“5 Steps to Finding Real Love in the Age of Distractions”

But let’s face it, love is messy, complicated, and often doesn’t look like what we see on our screens. Real love is about the ups and downs, the highs and lows, and the constant effort to make it work. It’s not just about the grand romantic gestures, but also the small, everyday moments that make a relationship special. Let me be clear: I’m no love guru. My expertise comes purely from my own trials and tribulations in matters of the heart. But hey, isn’t that what qualifies us all to be experts on the subject? After all, who knows more about love than someone who’s suffered through it?

In my quest for love, I’ve come up with a five-step plan that has defined my overall journey:

• Quit chasing after love like it’s the last train out of town. Trust me, love will find you.
• Take a moment to define what love means to you. Is it the heart-fluttering feeling you get when you see your crush, or is it something deeper and more profound?
• Figure out your own purpose and learn to love yourself first. After all, how can you expect someone else to love you if you don’t even love yourself?
• Look for someone who challenges you and supports your true purpose. You don’t want someone who just agrees with everything you say or do; that’s boring.
• Finally, once you’ve found that special someone, forget about the idealized version of love and focus on the love you have for that person. Love is not an idea, it’s a feeling that grows and changes over time.

Chasing an Idea, Not Love:

Chasing love is like trying to catch a shadow; the more you pursue it, the further it slips away. I know this from experience, having spent years in a fruitless search for the elusive feeling that so many songs and movies have promised. My upbringing didn’t help matters, with a broken home and absent father leaving me and my brother to navigate the treacherous waters of love on our own. What we found instead was lust, masquerading as love in all its beguiling forms. We chased after the fleeting rush of physical pleasure, mistaking it for something deeper and more meaningful. It was a mistake that left deep scars on our psyches, and one that I believe is all too common among men in America.

We’re sold the idea of love from a young age, bombarded with messages that tell us it’s the ultimate goal, the key to true happiness. But what is love, really? It’s a question that few of us bother to answer, too caught up in the thrill of the chase to stop and think about what we’re actually looking for. It’s like trying to navigate an unfamiliar city without a map. You might have a general idea of where you’re headed, but without a clear destination, you’re just wandering aimlessly. And in the end, you’re likely to end up lost and alone, with nothing to show for all your effort.

Over the course of several years, I poured my heart and soul into writing a book entitled “Married But THOTful The Struggle Is RELL Volume: 1.” Within its pages, I share a poignant coming-of-age story that explores my experiences in search of what love truly means to me. Through this book, I vividly illustrate the trials and errors that shaped my psyche and defined my understanding of love.

Defining Love and What It Means to You:

Love is often romanticized as a warm and fuzzy feeling, but the reality is that it’s a complex emotion that requires dedication, loyalty, and sacrifice. It’s not just about the happy moments, but also about navigating the tough times and showing up for the people you care about. Defining love can be difficult, but for me, it’s all about Loyalty Over Various Emotions or LOVE. When you love someone, you put their needs above your own and remain loyal to them through thick and thin. It’s not always easy, but it’s worth it in the end.

Loyalty Over Various Emotions…
Emotional roller coaster.
2 much on the table, we may need a coaster.
Alittle protection 2 what’s on the surface.
Most times, I fuck up…
Sometimes, it was on purpose.
Just know that you’re worth it.
The grindin’ on the late-nightz
We both hate 2 be wrong, that’s usually when we fight.
I feel I’m okay 2 admit it…
Half of the time, I don’t know shit!

-LOVE (Loyalty Over Various Emotions)- Mr. Marshall

Growing up, my mother would use the phrase “I’m Doing This Because I Love You!” before doling out punishment, and I didn’t fully understand it at the time. But looking back, I realize that she was demonstrating tough love and instilling a sense of loyalty in me and my brother. Even when she wasn’t being fair, we knew that she was doing what she thought was best for us because of her unwavering loyalty.

This same sentiment applies to my marriage. My wife and I have had our fair share of ups and downs, but at the core of it all is a deep loyalty to each other. We show up for each other, even when we don’t feel like it, and we prioritize our commitment to each other over our own individual emotions.

Love is not always easy, but it’s necessary for building strong relationships. It requires effort, patience, and a willingness to put others before ourselves. But in the end, the loyalty and connection that love brings is worth it all.

Loving Yourself First and Defining Your Purpose:

Have you ever found yourself looking for someone to fill a void in your life? Maybe it’s a sense of purpose, self-love, or even just companionship. It’s easy to fall into the trap of seeking validation from others when we feel lost or unsure of ourselves. But the truth is, you can’t rely on someone else to define your purpose or love you for who you are. It all starts with you.

For me, my purpose was always clear – art and design. That’s what gave me the confidence to believe I was going to be great. And even when some people tried to bring me down, I always had that foundation of self-love to fall back on. Because at the end of the day, if you don’t love yourself, how can you expect someone else to? It’s important to remember that self-love isn’t just about liking who you are. It’s about accepting who you are, flaws and all. It’s about being kind to yourself, even when things don’t go as planned. And it’s about recognizing that you are worthy of love and happiness, just the way you are. When you have purpose and self-love, everything else falls into place. You don’t need someone else to complete you because you are already whole. And when you do enter a relationship, it’s not about finding someone to fill a void, but about sharing your wholeness with another person.

Finding Someone That Challenges You:

It’s easy to fall into the trap of settling for someone who doesn’t challenge you, someone who is comfortable and safe. But if you’re looking for real love, you need to find someone who pushes you outside of your comfort zone and challenges you to be your best self. I know this from personal experience. My wife has been my greatest challenge and my greatest support. She has pushed me to be a better artist and designer, to take risks, and pursue my dreams. And in turn, I have pushed her to pursue her own passions and goals. We challenge each other, but we also support each other every step of the way. It’s not always easy to find someone who challenges you. It takes time and effort to find someone who truly understands you and your goals. But when you do find that person, it’s worth it. Love is about growth, and if you’re not growing together, you’re growing apart.

So, if you’re on the hunt for love, don’t settle for someone who doesn’t push you to be your best self. Look for someone who challenges you, and who makes you a better person. And when you find that person, hold on tight, because they are rare and valuable. Love is not just about finding someone who makes you happy, it’s about finding someone who makes you better.

Define Your Love In That Person:

 Love is not a one-size-fits-all kind of thing. It’s more like a puzzle piece that needs to fit perfectly into your life at that moment in time. And just like with a puzzle, sometimes you try to force a piece in that just doesn’t fit. But when you find the right piece, you know it. You feel complete, fulfilled, and whole. That’s what love should feel like. It’s not about finding “The One,” it’s about finding the one that’s right for you right now. Don’t be blinded by the idea of perfection because the perfect person doesn’t exist. But someone who complements your life and brings you to value, now that’s worth holding onto. So don’t be afraid to let go of what doesn’t fit and embrace what does. Your perfect puzzle piece is out there, waiting for you to find it.

In conclusion, the search for love can be complicated and messy in a world of constant distractions and idealized versions of romance. My five-step plan to finding love includes quitting the chase for love, defining what love means to you, learning to love yourself first, looking for someone who challenges you and focusing on the love you have for that person. My personal experiences have shaped my understanding of love, with a key component being loyalty and prioritizing the needs of others. Ultimately, the search for love requires effort, patience, and a willingness to put others before ourselves, but the loyalty and connection that love brings are worth it. By following this plan and understanding what real love entails, we can find happiness and fulfillment in our romantic relationships.